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events for 2004.05.05

2004.05.05.1129 [643] [public]

 On May 7th, leave the trousers behind.

Why Would you Dress
Like Abe Lincoln?

Although dressing up like Abe Lincoln IS funny, you seem to have missed the point entirely. I mean, honestly, why would you dress up like Abe Lincoln on No Pants Day?
Find out which No Pants Day outfit YOU should wear!

No Pants Day is May 7th, 2004. To find out more about No Pants Day, visit

[1 paradox|stop time]

2004.05.05.0308 [642] [public]

finished moving my stuff tonight. blue helped me with that and we went and met up with drey and jen at 420 after. we played scrabble and talked then went to eddies garage for kareoke (although we didn't have time to sing)

a pretty good day :)


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events for 2004.05.04

2004.05.04.1238 [641] [public]

i went to stat today. dr. fenton seems pretty nice.
so blue, still wanna hang out tongiht?


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2004.05.04.0134 [640] [public]

that was strange


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events for 2004.05.03

2004.05.03.1751 [639] [public]

like whoa... i just got a call from meredith :)


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2004.05.03.1415 [638] [public]

my mom bought me kimchi ramen! ^_^


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2004.05.03.1300 [636] [public]

know what else i hate? emotional blackmail.


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2004.05.03.1153 [635] [public]

from ash at
"Control your emotions before they control you and you end up out of control."


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2004.05.03.1146 [634] [public]

The Bridge
A Metaphor

There was a man who had given much thought to what he wanted from life. He had experienced many moods and trials. He had experimented with different ways of living, and he had had his share of both success and failure. At last, he had begun to see clearly where he wanted to go.

Diligently, he searched for the right opportunity. Sometimes he came close, only to be pushed away. Often the applied all of his strength and imagination, only to find the path hopelessly blocked. And then at last it came! But the opportunity would not wait. It would be made available only for a short time. If it were seen that he was not committed, the opportunity would not come again.

Eager to arrive, he started on his journey. With each step, he wanted to move faster; with each thought about his goal, his heart beat quicker; with each vision of what lay ahead, he found renewed vigor. Strength that had left it since his early youth returned, and desires, all kinds of desires, reawakened from their long-dormant positions.

Hurrying along, he came upon a bridge that crossed through the middle of a town. It had been built high above a river in order to protect it from the floods of spring.

He started across. Then he noticed someone coming from the opposite direction. As they moved closer, it seemed as though the other was coming to greet him. He could clearly see, however, that he did not know this other, who was dressed similarly except for something tied around his waist.

When they were within hailing distance, he could see that what the other had about his waist was a rope. It was wrapped around him many times and probably, if extended, would reach a length of 30 feet.

The other began to uncurl the rope, and, just as they were coming close, the stranger said, "Pardon me, would you be so kind as to hold the end a moment?"

Surprised by this politely phrased but curious request, he agreed without a thought, reached out, and took it.

"Thank you," said the other, who then added, "two hands now, and remember, hold tight." Whereupon, the other jumped off the bridge.

Quickly, the free-falling body hurtled the distance of the rope's length, and from the bridge, the man abruptly felt the pull. Instinctively, he held tight and was almost dragged over the side. He managed to brace himself against the edge, however, and after having caught his breath looked down at the other dangling, close to oblivion.

"What are you trying to do?" he yelled. "Just hold tight," said the other "This is ridiculous," the man thought and began trying to haul the other in. He could not get the leverage, however. It was as though the weight of the other person and the length of the rope had been carefully calculated in advance so that together they created a counterweight just beyond his strength to bring the other back to safety.

"Why did you do this?" the man called out. "Remember," said the other, "if you let go, I will be lost." "But I cannot pull you up," the man cried. "I am your responsibility," said the other. "Well, I did not ask for it," the man said. "If you let go, I am lost," repeated the other.

He began to look around for help. But there was no one. How long would he have to wait? Why did this happen to befall him now, just as he was on the verge of true success? He examined the side, searching for a place to tie the rope. Some protrusion, perhaps, or maybe a hole in the boards. But the railing was unusually uniform in shape; there were no spaces between the boards. There was no way to get rid of this newfound burden, even temporarily.

What do you want?" he asked the other hanging below. "Just your help," the other answered. "How can I help? I cannot pull you in, and there is no place to tie the rope so that I can go and find someone to help me help you." "I know that. Just hang on; that will be enough. Tie the rope around your waist; it will be easier."

Fearing that his arms could not hold out much longer, he tied the rope around his waist. "Why did you do this?" he asked again. "Don't you see what you have done? What possible purpose could you have in mind?" "Just remember," said the other, "my life is in your hands."

What should he do? "If I let go, all my life I will know that I let this other die. If I stay, I risk losing my momentum toward my own long-sought-after salvation. Either way, this will haunt me forever." With ironic humor he thought to die himself, instantly, to jump off the bridge while he was still holding on. "That would teach this fool." But he wanted to live and live fully. "What a choice I have to make; How shall I ever decide?"

As time went by, still no one came. The critical moment of decision was drawing near. To show his commitment to his own goals, he would have to continue on his journey now. It was already almost too late to arrive in time. But what a terrible choice to have to make!

A new thought occurred to him. While he could not pull this other up solely by his own efforts, if the other would shorten the rope from his end by curling it around his waist again and again, together, they could do it! Actually, the other could do it by himself, so long as he, standing on the bridge, kept it still and steady.

"Now listen," he shouted down. "I think I know how to save you." And he explained his plan. But the other wasn't interested. "You mean you won't help? But I told you I cannot pull you up myself, and I don't think I can hang on much longer either." "You must try," the other shouted back in tears. "If you fail, I die!"

The point of decision had arrived. What should he do? "My life or this other's?" And then a new idea. A revelation. So new, in fact, it seemed heretical, so alien was it to his traditional way of thinking.

"I want you to listen carefully," he said, "because I mean what I am about to say. I will not accept the position of choice for your life, only for my own; the position of choice for your own life I hereby give back to you."

"What do you mean?" the other asked, afraid. "I mean, simply, it's up to you. You decide which way this ends. I will become the counterweight. You do the pulling and bring yourself up. I will even tug a little from here." He began unwinding the rope from around his waist and braced himself anew against the side.

"You cannot mean what you say!" the other shrieked. "You would not be so selfish. I am your responsibility. What could be so important that you would let someone die? Do not do this to me!"

He waited a moment. There was not change in the tension of the rope.

"I accept your choice," he said, at last, and freed his hands.

- Edwin H. Friedman
From the book "Friedman's Fables"

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2004.05.03.1044 [633] [public]

jesus, i am so sick of that.


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2004.05.03.0219 [632] [public]

hung out with drey tonight. we went to 420 and saw jen and her new boytoy. it's actually a really cool place. very relaxed and the decor is great. it's like a little slice of colourful hippiedom in the greyness of the city. tomorrow i'm going to my old place and figuring out what to keep and what to chuck. i'm pretty sure the porn won't be making the cut. jesus, i'm so sick of that shit. if anybody wants a queen size mattress, it's theirs for the taking. i had a short conversation on msn with radish. i can't say it went too well, but i guess that's to be expected.

drey's mom is back at work. john will be so thrilled. i'll probably be going back to my job later this week. i think i'm doing well enough to handle it now. i'm certainly feeling a lot better about myself. i drew a picture of me and my monster in drey's sketchbook. she pointed out an interesting thing about the face on "me", or rather the lack therof. i have to say, i've learned a hell of a lot about myself in the last week. i've felt like i havn't had an identity for a long time. it's nice to be able to find one.

so blue, do you want to hang out after skits tomorrow? my mom seems to like you. :)


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events for 2004.05.02

2004.05.02.1805 [631] [public]

I <3 The Onion

Bush To Iraqi Militants: 'Please Stop Bringing It On'
WASHINGTON, DC—In an internationally televised statement Monday, President Bush modified a July 2003 challenge to Iraqi militants attacking U.S. forces. "Terrorists, Saddam loyalists, and anti-American insurgents: Please stop bringing it on now," Bush said at a Monday press conference. "Nine months and 500 U.S. casualties ago, I may have invited y'all to bring it on, but as of today, I formally rescind that statement. I would officially like for you to step back." The president added that the "it" Iraqis should stop bringing includes gunfire, bombings, grenade attacks, and suicide missions of all types.

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2004.05.02.1718 [630] [public]

i went and saw dr. stelzer again today. it seems to be going pretty well, although i wish he would talk more about what he's thinking. my next appointment with him is on thursday and i start STAT on tuesday too. he made a good point about how he's afraid i'm going to be one of those people in treatment fo rthe rest of my life. i guess i'm afraid of that too. still, i'm keeping a positive outlook. i've identified a lot of my probems recently. this gives me a lot of hope, because i know where to start. so what i want to do is go to stat to learn some coping skills and keep seeing stelzer to work out my longer-term issues. wish me luck ::)


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2004.05.02.1622 [629] [public]

hangin out with drey tonight :)


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2004.05.02.1309 [628] [public]

john came by last night and we taught my little brother how to play halo. we ended up walking to my place partway, and john even went and talked to "the girl".
he's not happy that drey's mom is back in town tho. still, as crazy as she is, nothing compares to ken's bullshit. (oh, if i could only use that line...)

i want to play some more bass with my dad; nothing like neil young songs.

blue, drey, what are you up to tonight?


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2004.05.02.0255 [627] [public]

The updated "anime i have seen" list

Neon Genesis Evangelion
End of Evangelion
Macross Plus
801 TTS Air Bats 1 & 2
Ghost in the Shell
Sakura Diaries
Ruin Explorers
Tenchi Muyo
Tenchi in Love
Oh My Goddess
Ninja Scroll
Gundam Wing
Monster Rancher
Amazing Nurse Nanako
Perfect Blue
Project A-ko
Jungle De Ikou
Princess Mononoke
Poke-fucking-mon and that shitty ass Dragonball and stupid Digimon
Card Captor Sakura
Voltage Fighter Gowcaizer
Fatal Fury
Street Fighter & Street Fighter Alpha
some, but not all of Record of Lodoss War
Patlabor 1 & 2
City Hunter
Samurai Pizza Cats

[and the new additions to the list:]
Jin-Roh: The Wolf Brigade
Cowboy Bebop
Dirty Pair Flash
Sber Marionette J & R

[into the clasics we go...]
Goldorak aka Grandizer aka Grendizer aka Goldrake (first anime I ever saw... one of the best too)
Astro Boy
Battle of the Planets
Voltron: Defender of the Universe

Several others who's name I can't remember
and of course... SAILOR MOON!

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2004.05.02.0245 [626] [public]

I&apos;m Death!
Which Member of the Endless Are You?

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events for 2004.05.01

2004.05.01.1641 [625] [public]

off to johns
jesus, i forgot what it's like to have friends. ^_^


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2004.05.01.1354 [624] [public]

had a great time last night. the plan was for blue, drey and i to go to desire, and for rae-annon to meet us after work. we went, but it was really dead, so we decided to go to pockets. pockets was closed, so we just ended up going to johnny g's. it was le big fun, gabbing, bitching and just being me. i havn't been me in a long long time, and it's good to be able to connect with people again. plus i havn't had a night out in far too long.


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events for 2004.04.29

2004.04.29.1019 [623] [public]

i really wish i could stop crying though


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